Three Things to remember if you’re a people pleaser
You’re not responsible for other people.
You aren’t responsible for other people’s choices or behaviors. You aren’t responsible for “fixing” someone or making someone more mature, becoming more responsible, or for them to stop engaging in any particular behavior. You aren’t responsible for making someone grow in their faith or for someone else’s sin patterns.
A little saying that helps me remember this is, “You’re responsible to others, not for them.” As a parent, for example, it can be difficult to recognize this truth. You’re responsible for caring for your children to the best of your ability, guide them, and provide for them. But you’re not accountable for their emotions or the decisions they make. Do you want to teach and guide them lovingly? Of course! But ultimately they are an individual and who they are and what they do is not a direct reflection of you.
Someone else’s opinion of you does not reflect who you are.
People pleasers tend to build their worth off of others opinions of them. Even at our best, we won’t please or be liked by everyone we meet. It is exhausting trying to be who we think everyone else wants us to be. And when we do this, we tend to get so caught up in being who we think we need to be that we lose sight of who God actually created us to be. Without an identity rooted in Christ, someone’s negative opinion can leave you feeling lost, wounded and insecure.
And let’s be honest, we can’t be our best selves if we’re worried about everyone else’s opinion of us. That leaves us walking on eggshells, not expressing our own thoughts/feelings and ultimately not acting within the God-given personality and life we were given.
You can’t earn love from others.
I’ve met many moms who feel the need to do it all. Have the flawless body, clean home, be involved in volunteer work, be a great chef, be the perfect wife/mother, and work full time. This is simply impossible! What you can or cannot accomplish in life does not reflect whether you are or are not worth loving. God created you as a lovable human being just because you exist. Doing the “right thing” or accomplishing a certain amount does not earn you love or acceptance from others.
Something I tell clients often is, you have nothing to prove. This doesn’t give us permission to be rude to other people, of course, but what it does is provides us with the freedom to rest in who God created us to be so we can live life freely. We can be ourselves and fulfill the calling God places on our life without having to try and prove ourselves to other people. Your identity and reputation is rock solid in Christ and always has been. All we have to do is take hold of what God has already said to be true about us.