How to respond to a narcissist's smear campaign
Recently I wrote a blog about what a smear campaign is and why a narcissist might do this and what it includes. I wanted to share some ways to respond to that smear campaign that will help you react to the situation.
Surrender your rights
A healthy spiritual practice that leads to living in genuine peace is the idea of surrendering your rights. Meaning you are surrendering your perceived right to something you think you're owed or deserved as a human being.
God promises us many things, but here are some things he doesn't explicitly guarantee us:
My presumed right to a good reputation
My presumed right not to fail
My presumed right to friendships
My presumed right to take offense
My presumed right to be right
My presumed right to my time
My presumed right to life itself
(All taken from the "Old Beliefs vs. New Beliefs" workbook by Anne Trippe)
There are many more, but here are a few just to get your thinking.
Become of no reputation
The bible says that Jesus "became of no reputation" (Phil. 2:7) when he came to this earth.
As a believer, I think most people would say they are attracted to the idea of being more Christ-like. What better opportunity to become like Christ than to do just as he did? Become of no reputation.
Meaning, I don't have to defend my reputation. I don't have to prove that what's being said about me isn't true. And I don't have to try and expose the narcissist for who they are.
What it does mean is that I can humble myself and put my faith and trust in who God says that I am. My identity and reputation are stable on the foundation of Christ. There's nothing left to prove after that.
Don't try to clap back
There is no winning with a narcissist. To try and have a productive, mutually respectful conversation with a narcissist is like trying to negotiate with a hungry bear. It's not possible.
A reliable rule to live by when dealing with a narcissist is - you can't win.
Even if you think you've "won" a disagreement, they will twist what you said, create lies about what you said, and spread them to others, or they will come back and punish you in another way altogether.
As a form of punishment for their child, I've seen a narcissistic parent take their love, money, special privileges, etc. away from them. It's a subtle way of letting you know that what you did was wrong, and there are consequences for going against a narcissist, but it's never spoken about or outright in the way it's done.
At the core of every narcissist is a deeply believed lie that they aren't wrong. You can't have a productive conversation with someone who can't see what they've done wrong in a given situation.
Don't engage
To get involved in the smear campaign is to play the game. And it is impossible to play the game and not get affected by it.
I often hear clients describe it as having knots inside of them. They feel all twisted up and foggy and don't even know what hit them.
What is your God-given role in life? Let's say your primary role in life is as a husband and father. To continue to engage with a narcissist means your soul is repeatedly experiencing this twisted up feeling. This generally leaves people feeling irritable with their family, perhaps they snap more quickly at their kids, distracts them from being present, etc.
To engage with the narcissist takes away from you fulfilling your God-given role in this season in life. To disengage isn't cruel, it propels you forward to God's best for you.
This is where surrendering your rights and becoming of no reputation can allow you to have peace, despite what's being said about you.
Move on with your life
The only thing that's within our control as human beings is how we respond to any given situation. The best thing you can do in response to a smear campaign is to continue to focus on your own growth, rather than what's being said about you.
Narcissists will always be able to fool some people. You need to surround yourself with people that love you, believe you and aren't fooled by the wolf in sheep clothing.
A narcissist will run a smear campaign as long as they believe you see them for who they are, and there is a chance you could expose them.
Think about it this way - You focus on your growth and continue to move forward in your life, then ten years from now, the narcissist will still be running the same smear campaign, and you will have moved on with your life, healthy, and filled with peace. When I think of it that way, it helps give me compassion and empathy. The life of a narcissist is NOT a life I would want to live.
If you don't let go of this, where will you be in 10 years?
Want more? Sign up for my email list, where I aspire to send you monthly emails that help cultivate your relationship with Jesus.
When you sign up, you'll receive a freebie I created. It's a "cheat sheet" to help you identify a lie your heart may believe, countered with the truth you can meditate on.