How to Choose the Right Therapist for You
How to Choose the Right Therapist for You: Questions to Ask and What to Look For
Finding the right therapist can feel overwhelming—especially when you're already struggling. Whether you're new to therapy or returning after a break, choosing the right therapist is one of the most important steps in your healing journey. A strong therapeutic relationship is often the foundation for growth, so it's worth taking the time to find someone who's a good fit for your needs, personality, and goals.
As a counselor, I understand the importance of finding a therapist who aligns with your values and provides the support you need. Here's a guide to help you navigate the process with clarity and confidence.
1. Know What You're Looking For
Before reaching out to therapists, it helps to reflect on what brings you to therapy and what kind of support you hope to receive. Ask yourself:
Am I looking for support with a specific issue (e.g., anxiety, trauma, relationship conflict)?
Do I prefer a therapist of a specific gender, age, cultural background, or lived experience?
What are my comfort levels with vulnerability, feedback, or emotional exploration?
This reflection can help narrow your search and guide the questions you ask when you connect with potential therapists.
2. Get Clear on What You Want Out of Therapy
Therapy isn't one-size-fits-all. People come to therapy with different goals, and it's important to think about what kind of support will be most helpful for you.
Ask yourself:
Do I want someone to mostly listen and hold space without judgment?
Am I looking for practical tools and feedback I can use in my daily life?
Do I want someone who will challenge me or offer honest reflections?
Do I want to go deeper into past wounds or focus more on the present?
Would I benefit from a structured approach with clear goals, or a more open-ended process?
There's no wrong answer here. Some clients need a warm, grounding presence; others are craving insight, accountability, or guidance. Many people need a combination of all these things—and that's okay too.
Sharing this with a potential therapist can help you both understand if it's the right fit.
3. Ask the Right Questions
Once you've found a few therapists you're considering, reach out for a consultation or phone call. Many therapists offer free initial calls to help you decide if it's a good match.
Here are some helpful questions to ask:
Have you worked with clients who have experienced [insert your concern, e.g., anxiety, grief, trauma]?
How would you describe your role as a therapist? Do you offer feedback, ask guiding questions, suggest strategies, etc.?
What does a typical session with you look like?
How do you support clients in reaching their goals?
What are your policies around cancellations and fees?
How would you describe your approach when a client feels stuck or overwhelmed?
If I bring up something really vulnerable or emotional, how do you typically respond in session?
Do you assign homework or suggest things to try between sessions?
How do you handle moments when therapy feels hard or uncomfortable?
How do you know when therapy is working—or when it might be time to end or pause?
You don't need to ask all of these—just pick the ones that feel most important to you. And just as important as their answers is your gut sense during the conversation. Do you feel safe, respected, and heard?
4. Trust the Fit
Ultimately, therapy is a relationship. The best therapist for you will be someone you feel safe being honest with—even when it's uncomfortable. Research shows that the quality of the therapeutic relationship—more than any one technique—is a key factor in successful outcomes.
Therapists are people, too. Therefore, they aren't perfect. But generally, here are some green flags to look for:
You feel heard and not judged.
You feel like the therapist is genuinely interested in understanding you.
You leave sessions feeling supported, even if the work is challenging.
And it's okay if the first therapist you try isn't the right one. That's not a failure—it's part of the process.
Final Thoughts
Taking the first step toward therapy is a powerful act of self-care. By asking thoughtful questions and trusting your instincts, you can find a therapist who helps you feel empowered, supported, and capable of change.
If you're currently searching and feeling stuck, remember: it's okay to reach out, ask questions, and advocate for what you need. You're allowed to take up space in this process—and you deserve support that truly fits you.
If you're ready to begin your search, I offer complimentary 15-minute consultation calls and would be happy to answer any questions you have. Whether we work together or not, my goal is to help you take the next right step for your mental health.
Serving Boerne, San Antonio, and the surrounding Texas Hill Country with counseling services.